The weight struggle has been really real for me lately. I am up 10 pounds and I Do Not Like It! For some reason I have had a hard time eating clean since February. Normally I can have candy as a part of my diet and I don’t have to go “Oh, there is some candy. I will eat all of the candy. Now I want more candy.” But for some reason up until this last week, that’s been my struggle. Even as I’ve fought to get it under control it has been a true and real fight. Food that is good for me has not tasted good so it’s been rough to make me eat it, so sometimes I’d just not eat at all.
No, weight loss is never “over”. It’s always there, in the background, waiting to jump back at you.
I chalked this up to a bout of depression I’ve been dealing with related to my pain and the ten pounds from that as well as from the fact that with the pain I haven’t run as much. I want to run, but when my head is really hurting it’s hard to get out because sometimes running makes it worse. Most of the time it makes it better, but that’s generally mornings. After working a full day I am exhausted so it’s hard to focus on getting out to do my thing!
Finally, though, the fight is calming down and I think I’m back in my mode. It wasn’t the depression, menopause, or lack of running although I’m sure none of those things have made it easier. It was a medication I had increased back in, ta da, February. My Gabapentin was increased from 600 mg per day to 900 and that’s when it started. At the time I didn’t think much about it because it was Valentines and then Easter and my Birthday. I went back to see the neurology ARNP a week and a half ago and she lowered the dose back to 600 and said I could even go lower, so I titrated back to 300 per day and suddenly I am no longer looking for dusty M&Ms in the couch cushions. My nutrition is back on track and healthy choices are coming easier again.
Whew! That doesn’t mean I’m eating like a saint, but I’m doing better and I’m so glad.
As for clean cooking, right now I am in search of the perfect sourdough rye bread. I made a brick of a loaf that tastes awesome the other night. The only problem is, I had to register it as a deadly weapon with the FBI. It’s still great tasting. The mistake was mine. Roy was asking me questions while I was measuring the flour and I think I miscounted, so when the dough was dry I added a little more sourdough starter and a little (okay so maybe a more than a little) more water. Then it was too goopy so I added a little more flour. It was still too goopy but I was worried about adding more flour. It did rise but I think it was too wet to stay risen very high, plus I think it was over-handled. I also managed not to auto-lyse my whole wheat bread long enough last time I made it because I wanted some of its warm bready goodness before bed. Well it’s also a shorty loaf.
Bread making is hard unless you do it right and pay attention. Tory got cocky, now Tory has bread you could cold-cock someone with.